Have you ever really felt how it is to be a 3-year old kid innocently trying to put the puzzle pieces together? or to be an investigator struggling to solve a mystery? or to be a confused woman stuck in the middle of nowhere, somewhere between revolving worlds, attempting to mend her broken heart and make sense of life at the same time?

..if not, maybe you should try putting on my shoes.

LOVE. one word that makes the world go round. one word that makes people running in circles. 4 letters put together that brings two to one. and a four-letter word that practically spells our what we're supposed to be living for, fighting for, & dying for. But is it what it's really cracked up to be?

So people cross-over each other's paths.
They jive along, discover their inner hues, and begin mixing colors.
Influencing one another; starting from his expressions down to her text-me-when-you-get-home mannerisms.

And then, they fall in love.
The used-to-be black & white drama series
instantly became a rose-colored world.
His name & her name, in the middles of <3s & flowers.
Intimacy was just around the corner.
Next thing we know, the story script comes to an end.

Lights off. Black out. Nada. Gone.

Either he or she broke it off. Either one has to go somewhere or the other just "wasn't happy". Either it was "too complicated" or they were just afraid to take the risk. Either there was a 3rd partt or it "just wouldn't work out".

Distance. Time. Differences.

..And they said that if it's true love, its timeless, constant & bound to go beyond the rails. How do they expect us to find a love that stays & never fades when they also said that everything eventually changes?

So here am I,
being the biggest bummer for the first time in years, (i hate doing nothing, and here it is, becoming my everyday routine)
having 7swigs without even intending to, (when i never even drank more than one! not even in public )
reading at a pace of 5novels in less than 4days (if it was my usual sandy-busy-routine, i've barely gone through 1/4 the book in less than 4days.)

And maybe, somewhere in between the "laughing" with friends & the cheers for another drink, in between those romances I read about and the romances I've always dreamt of but chose to forget about, I got tired.

Got tired of thinking through & through, of arguing theories & direct quotations popping in my mind in an attempt to find the loophole. The "missing piece" in the puzzle. The answer to the mystery.

Perhaps, I've been trying to make sense of something that's made not to make sense. Sometimes, the heart explains what the logic could barely understand. I'm afraid I feel like I've lost my logic in this.

Funny how I've always been known for the "passionate" me, or the "heart-over-mind" hopeless romantic person who always fights for the heart. Unfortunately, I can't trust my heart on this anymore.

Afterall, how many people struggle to go against the current & stand up for what/who they love? How many people choose to live their passion over what's logically right? How many take the risks, hold on to love & fight against the odds? against time, differences & all that's bound to happen? I bet that's like, 10 out a 100 percent in statistics.

This is why at this point, I gave up. No more heart.
The brain always wins it anyway.